


Bittersweet Memories

by cherrygelb



Series: Our Hearts In A Song [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26957218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrygelb/pseuds/cherrygelb
Summary: Shortly after the band started their hiatus, Louis and Harry decided on ending their relationship as well. Louis reminisces how the hell he managed to end up where he was now and whether it all wasn't just some big mistake.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Our Hearts In A Song [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098656
Kudos: 7





	Bittersweet Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, before you start, as always, a few warnings first: I’m not really caught up to everything that’s been going on in this fandom. I’m sorry if I’ve gotten timelines or facts wrong, but hey, it’s called fiction for a reason, isn’t it? Also: English is not my native language and I don’t know anyone speaking it well enough to proof-read my stuff, so I’m sorry for any mistakes you’ll find. If there is anything in here that makes no sense, please point it out to me and I’ll try to fix it.  
> The song I used is ‘I will always love you’ by Whitney Houston.  
> And of course the standard disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real life events is simply coincidental. I do not claim to know the people mentioned in it or anything about their lives; I simply imagine them as actors – part of the crazy cast that’s constantly shooting movies in my head.

He was listening to Whitney’s ‘I will always love you’ on repeat. His life pretty much was this song at the moment, he was fucking living it.

During the first days after it all went to shit, Louis just felt numb. He was going through all the motions, sleep, bathroom, eat, repeat. Almost robotic. He had no idea how many days had passed before the numbness faded. And then came the pain.

Everything hurt. He felt like he was torn apart at his seams, like his heart was being smashed into pieces, over and over again. It didn’t just hurt his soul; he physically was in pain. He had broken up with him, not because he didn’t love him anymore, quite the contrary. He loved him with every fibre of his being, that’s why he had to let him go, let him soar, let him be Harry Styles, let him have his dream. 

_If I should stay,  
I would only be in your way.  
So I'll go, but I know  
I'll think of you every step of the way. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you.  
You, my darling you. Hmm._

Staying with him would only have slowed him down and Louis just knew Harry would have come to resent him for it. Maybe not immediately, but eventually for sure. Though a tiny bit of Louis was wondering if the love he felt towards his now former bandmate was even returned anymore.

He had expected a little more resistance, he had expected Harry – usually ever the hopeless romantic – to fight for their love, for their relationship, for Louis. He had not expected the answer to his carefully worded suggestion to put their relationship on hold, while still emphasising his love for the younger man, to be “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

_Bittersweet memories  
that is all I'm taking with me.  
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.  
We both know I'm not what you, you need. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you._

Despite those horrible last words they had exchanged, Louis couldn’t help but feel like it was the right thing to do. Harry didn’t need him, that much was made clear by his response. He needed to be free, to have the career he always dreamed of having, with no one holding him back or slowing him down.

Of course, it still hurt. It hurt so much, making it hard for Louis to even move or breathe sometimes. However, Louis knew it would be worth it in the end. He knew he had to put Harry’s happiness first, even if it killed him. Just because he loved the younger man with everything he had, didn’t give him the right to stand in his way. Quite the contrary, actually.

As the saying goes: If you truly love someone you need to learn to let them go. So, that’s what he did. All that mattered now was Harry’s happiness.

_I hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.  
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.  
But above all this, I wish you love. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you.  
I will always love you.  
I will always love you.  
I will always love you.  
I, I will always love you. _

_You, darling, I love you.  
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you._

In the end, though, Louis was afraid to go online, afraid to turn on any kind of tv programme or other media outlet that might broadcast celebrity news of some sort. When he went to the shops, he made sure to give the newspaper/magazine aisle a wide berth, not in the mood to see some trashy tabloid headlines or cover-photos of Harry. He didn’t want to find out how Harry was doing, not quite sure what news he would prefer.

What if he looked completely heartbroken? That would mean he made a ginormous mistake by sending him away. But also, what if he looked completely fine? What if there even already was someone new in his life, now that he was finally rid of Louis? That would just break him even further, to find out that Harry was already over him, already moving on from a relationship that had lasted over five years!

Maybe he had simply taken the out Louis offered, because he had already been looking for a way to break up. Did he just stay out of pity, in the end? Too kind to break up with Louis, jumping at the chance, when instead Louis took that final step?

It was driving Louis mad to think about those things. Of course, he wanted Harry to be happy, and if being without Louis made him happy, then okay. But would it really be too much to ask for Harry to at least be a little sad about their break-up? Somehow it would make Louis feel slightly better, knowing that their relationship at one point meant as much to Harry as it did to him, and being sad about it ending would definitely be a great indicator. However, since he was too afraid of the answers, Louis would rather not ask and instead turn a blind eye to anything entertainment-media related.

For now, he preferred to wallow in his own grief, listening to Whitney on repeat.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry. This story was supposed to be a lot longer, but I’ve been hit with a severe case of writers’ block for the past months, so for now, I’m going to leave it like that. I think it still kind of works as a short story. As soon as inspiration finds its way back to me, I’ll turn this into a series and add more.


End file.
